How long do I need to self-regulate before I feel better?

During the first one-to-one session, if there’s an accurate assessment of the nervous system, effective attunement from the practitioner both to themselves and their client, accompanied by an appropriate practice to restore the system back to the ventral, someone in a state of dysregulation should feel some level of immediate relief. This is the moment when helpful healing hope arrives.

Following that, with every stress cycle that is interrupted and brought to completion—whether smoothly or even with a bit of difficulty—the nervous system's resilience increases. Every time an arousal cycle is completed, the capacity to tolerate strong fight-or-flight reactions grows, often creating enough space to reduce the need to act upon them. As resilience builds, the hypervigilance, the despair and the dissociation that often accompanies trauma responses begins to lessen. Through regular, body-based attunement practices, the ability to process intense emotions without overwhelming the system and mind strengthens, leading to more fluid state shifts.

While we may never completely eliminate the experience of being triggered, over time, the depth of those triggered responses will lessen, the time to recover will shorten, and the space between triggers will widen. In short, the nervous system becomes more adaptable the more we attune to and attend to the healing intelligence waiting to be explored and experienced within our body.

The timeline for notable changes in a client's daily life can range from four weeks onward, but it’s important to emphasize that feeling dysregulated at times is normal—while still being able to re-regulate—this is a completely normal part of the process. Progress is also contingent on an individual’s social resources and whether they are in an environment conducive to healing.

This process is about helping the client build a really good partnership with themselves and their nervous system as a pathway to enter the body and mind. Building a relationship with resilience through specificity and repetition, which, over time, re-organizes the nervous system and the brain’s functioning. Self-regulation, supported by co-regulation with a skilled practitioner, is an essential form of self-care. There should be no pressure put on a client to process trauma from their past until they know and have had the physical experience of restoring the system to a ventral state. If a client is stuck in survival mode while recalling memories, it can be very difficult to experience the difference between remembering, reliving and possibly retraumatizing.

Over time, one can begin to separate the experience of the past from the state of heightened arousal of the nervous system, preventing overwhelm and allowing for a safer, more grounded processing of memories. This creates the conditions for healing, as the client learns to stay present and feel safe within their own body. Only when they feel anchored in a state of regulation can they explore past experiences without being pulled back into survival responses. This is why establishing safety and the capacity to feel—without judgment or pressure—is foundational to trauma work. The nervous system must first learn that it is safe to feel, to be in the present moment, and to experience emotions without fear of being overwhelmed.

Co-regulation and Self-Regulation in Trauma Healing

Research shows that healing from trauma relies heavily on both co-regulation and the development of self-regulation skills. Co-regulation, the powerful process of soothing through the true experience of being present with another person, especially when aligned with the restoration of self-trust, should never be undervalued or underestimated. A mature healthy nervous system helps individuals re-establish safety and trust after traumatic experiences. When Polyvagal Theory becomes a fully embodied Polyvagal experience, our nervous system responds differently and more accurately to cues of safety or danger.  The range between both can be expanded through relationships that can offer a space for restoring ventral, as a new and achievable baseline — an essential state for recovery, growth and healing.

In the context of trauma, co-regulation through a therapeutic relationship can restore a sense of safety and provide an external anchor when one’s internal regulation is compromised.

Studies highlight how a therapist’s attunement and emotional presence help shift a client from a state of dysregulation (sympathetic or dorsal vagal) toward more adaptive responses. When trust is built between the client and their bodies' ability to support them and their mind, an embodied sense of safety can be nurtured daily in simple and effective ways.  

In quality co-regulation, all PARTS as defined by Dan Siegal —Presence, Attunement, Resonance, and Trust—are at play. Presence means being fully engaged in the moment, offering your undivided, undistrubed attention to the other person. Attunement involves tuning into the emotional state of another, sensing and understanding their inner world, without getting lost in it. Resonance occurs when this attunement leads to shared emotional connection, allowing both individuals to feel deeply understood and supported. Finally, Trust is built as these steps unfold, fostering safety and security within the relationship, essential for co-regulation. Together, these elements create a space where individuals can feel held and safe to co-regulate their nervous system with the support of another.

Self-regulation is the individual’s ability to manage stress before it becomes distress and integrate emotional experiences in real time. When a client has physically experienced the felt sense of ventral on a more regular basis, they now have a landmark to walk themselves home to. Repeated practice helps reinforce new neural pathways, eventually making self-regulation a more automatic response. Though research on the exact timeline for building new neural pathways varies, it is widely accepted that bio and neural plasticity allows for meaningful change with consistent practice over weeks to months. Over time, clients experience a shift from relying on co-regulation to confidently managing their nervous system responses independently. Automatic survival strategies are replaced with autonomic awareness. 

Ultimately, when clients trust their capacity to self-regulate through effective self-care practices, real-time empowerment occurs.

Increasing Awareness, Autonomy and Agency which are the triple A's of stress related trauma recovery. The progress in healing becomes remarkable with the experience of this and enhances every other form of therapy. No matter where a client turns for help, or what new relationships of jobs they embark upon. They will ultimately know how to best take care of themselves, maintain boundaries, their self-care and the needs of their often deeply hurt and traumatized body, heart, thoughts and mind.